It's been a Jittery Day!
Well, thus far I haven't accomplished much today. I'm a jittery disaster zone. I can't focus for that long of a time, nor can I sit still. I've walked around my block about 5 times so far since 5:00 am. I'm getting a heck of a workout - but that's good seeing I ate a gallon of very yummy peanut butter/chocolate ice cream over the last 3 days. Very much out of character for me to eat that much sugar. I know what this is - it's my nerves, plus my heightened awareness. My body is taking some adjustment time - I just hope it hurries up!
I've got emails out the behind to answer:) I promise I will once I can sit down long enough!
My note to Bill is moving right along after 50 false starts. I finally have written a poem that I think he will enjoy - I hope I don't sound like an idiot thought seeing that he is a poet:) I don't know what else to put besides the poem and contact information. I mean no matter what I write - or don't write - he'll either "get it" ASAP or won't. I keep having flashes of him reading and rereading the note while he smokes up like a chimney and drinks a bottle of red wine. At least he's not practicing his waste basket basketball with it:)
I really wish my rational mind would quit getting in the way. It keeps stepping in and asking me if I'm nuts. As strange as it sounds - I have to assure myself that I don't have one foot in the mental ward. It's aggravating as I know the rest of me knows what is truth and what is not.
I'm debating whether or not to start up my Ask Allie online radio show again. I never thought I'd entertain the thought, let alone actually consider doing it. Why? Because it's a lot of work for one person and my throat hurts after talking so darn much:) I'm more of an observer than a talker (unless asked for advice - of course). Maybe once I get the gypsy magic books done.
My poor car still hasn't recovered from my son's sickness on Tuesday. Part of me feels like blowing up the car and starting over.
Okay - that was interesting. I just had an angel place their hand on my right shoulder and whisper in my ear - "Believe in yourself. All is well". Now I just have to take the advice.
I think I'll go take another walk!
Until tomorrow...
Crystal Sunshine!
Allie:)
I've got emails out the behind to answer:) I promise I will once I can sit down long enough!
My note to Bill is moving right along after 50 false starts. I finally have written a poem that I think he will enjoy - I hope I don't sound like an idiot thought seeing that he is a poet:) I don't know what else to put besides the poem and contact information. I mean no matter what I write - or don't write - he'll either "get it" ASAP or won't. I keep having flashes of him reading and rereading the note while he smokes up like a chimney and drinks a bottle of red wine. At least he's not practicing his waste basket basketball with it:)
I really wish my rational mind would quit getting in the way. It keeps stepping in and asking me if I'm nuts. As strange as it sounds - I have to assure myself that I don't have one foot in the mental ward. It's aggravating as I know the rest of me knows what is truth and what is not.
I'm debating whether or not to start up my Ask Allie online radio show again. I never thought I'd entertain the thought, let alone actually consider doing it. Why? Because it's a lot of work for one person and my throat hurts after talking so darn much:) I'm more of an observer than a talker (unless asked for advice - of course). Maybe once I get the gypsy magic books done.
My poor car still hasn't recovered from my son's sickness on Tuesday. Part of me feels like blowing up the car and starting over.
Okay - that was interesting. I just had an angel place their hand on my right shoulder and whisper in my ear - "Believe in yourself. All is well". Now I just have to take the advice.
I think I'll go take another walk!
Until tomorrow...
Crystal Sunshine!
Allie:)
Labels: Bill
posted by Allie @ 3:00 PM
8 Comments:
At 11:56 AM,
Leann said…
It's interesting you asked yourself if you were mental, because, well, I've wondered the same thing. (about me not you LOL)
As the angels say...believe in yourself and be well.
P.S...my grandaughter struggled slightly, not like you would imagine a drowning person struggling tho. Thank you for your insight, I do worry about her.
I'll work on letting go. I'm planning on moving to Alaska...any thoughts?
At 12:57 PM,
Allie said…
Want me to help you pack? Bust a move my dear and move:) Life changing, life altering...you will simply love it!
I have a wonderful friend, Donna Blasor-Bernhardt, who wrote a book called, "Waltz With Me, Alaska". It is the true story of a young family's survival in a tent for 13 months in the wilds of Alaska. They faced 70 below temperatures, starvation and loneliness, but they pulled together, as a family, and came out the better for having accomplished it.
It's a GREAT book. You can find out more about her, here:
http://www.alaska-wintercabin.com/
Have a great day!
CS,
Allie;)
At 1:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
i've been a bit "mental" myself and it's been gaining momentum - especially this year. i'm glad i've met more "mentals". nice to know of you.
leann, i've been thinking of moving from where i am too. i so want to get away from the city. somewhere remote and full of nature - maybe catch a site of some bears and such (btw, they say that in the fall - where i am currently at - they will begin hunting them, which i'm not too happy about at all). but, just as well, i've been planning on hitting the road and going to that cabin in the woods. really hope to get physically moving towards thataways really soon, say, this year. i was going to go on a conference/cruise to alaska in august but have to see how my finances will fair.
anyway, it was nice to read you allie. how ironic to recommend a reading such as that - was hoping my family (siblings) would want to get on this type of journey with me but nope, they don't want to go.
hugs, kisses, and blesses
anom
I trust it, despite it all -
Believe in yourself. All is well.
At 4:38 PM,
Leann said…
anom.....I am visiting Alaska towards the end of the month. I've a freind there who owns a business and wants me to join him. I am torn. I wuold like to go for the change and to get on with my life independently, but I don't want to move that far away from my daughter and grandaughter. Perhaps I'm holding on too tightly? I dont' know. What is healthy and when does it become unhealthy?
I've always lived in urban areas so I can't relate to getting out of the "city". I love the country and simple living.
Allie, are you seeing it as a good thing? Is that what that comment means? LOL...I know..pay for a reading...LOL
At 4:39 PM,
Leann said…
Allie,
I'll check that book out. I'm sure the library has it...I hope..LOL
At 9:30 AM,
Allie said…
Hi Anom - thanks for stopping by and I hope you will not be a stranger:)
Hi Leann - YES - I think your move is a good idea.
Holding on too tightly becomes a bad thing when you are living their life and not your own.
This life is not a dress rehearsal - you have only one time in this body and with these experiences. Don't waste a minute on the "what if's" because in the end you don't want to dwell over the "I should've..."
Have a great day!
CS,
A:)
At 10:42 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hi Allie and Leann,
I really like what you said, I agree with it and am currently working on breaking out of this cycle myself because although it has proven to be "beneficial" to those dependant upon me in my environment and awaken some dorment tendencies of my own (good or bad) it has been stunting to my growth by my choice, of course. I just addressed it the other night as me taking a "vacation" by doing this - this way I know that what I've done was not in vain or waste. I'm so far in it, I wonder if I'm going to be doing more harm than good by leaving to others in my environment - of course, I have no doubt that I will be fine.
This is one of the quotes you said that I cosign with:
"Holding on too tightly becomes a bad thing when you are living their life and not your own.
This life is not a dress rehearsal - you have only one time in this body and with these experiences. Don't waste a minute on the "what if's" because in the end you don't want to dwell over the "I should've..."
It really is not a dress rehearsel - I usually say life is a stage but what is it to be behind stage fixing up everyone else so they will be ready when the curtain rises and where/who do i think I am in this theater if I keep seeing myself as more than the organizer or am I? An organizer is not just confined to backstage, are they? How my life feels unfulfilled if I'm bombarded with pieces of myself screaming for attention from me on stage, backstage, in the audience, etc., etc., etc.....living it is to be it.
Let me ask you Leann a question I just asked myself not too long ago, what would happen and how would you feel if your daughter and granddaughter decided to move to a place that is "far" from you?
Also, i'm getting closer to moving now - most likely within this year. You know, I've always had a thing for NYC and thought that was the place I would live forever with a few places here and there but in order for that to happen, I'm realizing that I must move from my current place of residence, although closer to NYC and quite city-like, in order for me to obtain my goal in one day residing in NYC the way I would like to. What if leaving to go to Alaska meant it would bring you closer to your daughter and granddaughter the way you would like? Life is pretty ironic that way, you know?
love, life, and light
anom
At 12:17 PM,
Leann said…
anom,
You ask some very good and very difficult questions.
I would feel lost, quite literally, if my daughter and granddaughter were to move far from me. My whole life revolves around them. Without them I have no life.
I was always quite excited that I would be young (39) when my children hit 18 and were out on their own. I would finally have a life of my own and get to do the things I'd always wanted (travel, more finances, etc), but then when my daughter became pregnant and had her daughter it somehow bound me even tighter to her. It is as if my granddaughter is my own daughter. We've always lived together and she will be 4 in July. I have a very strong connection to her and it's going to hurt like hell to let her go. But...let her go I must. I am not her mother but she does not know that. She thinks she has two mommies.
I laid in bed for hours last night thinking about what I wanted to do. I want to be an active part of her life and if I move so far away will I be able to do that. Will I be happy only seeing her every three months or so? The ironic part is that I have lived away from my son who is 20 since he was 15, (by his choice not mine) and I would be fine being distanced from my daughter. But everytime I think of being away from my granddaughter I tear up. It makes it difficult to dispassionately make a decision. I've always sacrified self for others. I"m not sure I know any other way or at this point in my life if I can.
Perhaps as you state, being distanced will actually pull us closer. I've no doubt in my daughters case it will be so. In my granddaughter's....I truly don't know.
Peace
Leann
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