Always Watching...

Now this was strange - I went to start my session and I kept hearing a no - not yet. Instead I was to go look at a pair of earrings that I wanted to get a friend for Christmas. So I went to the web site and they only had one left - LOL! So I bought them and here I am. Glad the Divine is looking out for my Christmas shopping!

I'm in a restaurant with two of my girlfriends. I - as in me now - am observing us three gab and drink our beer. Seems we have a lot to bitch about!

Hanna arrives and touches my arm. I'm like- do we have to go now? She says that I have more to see.

So she takes me to what I'm guessing is first class on British Airways. I'm sitting in my seat - staring at the window. I hear the pilot come on that we are making our approach to Heathrow. I grab a journal and jot down a few notes. Put it away in my backpack and get my coat on. It's a nice coat - beige suede with white fake fur trim.

I get off the plane and into the 1st class lounge (I'm guessing) and Ted is there waiting for me. He has flowers in his hands - carnations (my favorite) and roses. We stand there and stare at one another - it is if time stands still. He collects himself and hands me the flowers. I smell them. We go to walk out of the lounge and he grabs my hand. I ask him if he's sure - because people will see him with me and pictures will be taken. He smiles. Squeezes my hand and we go through the doors. Within 30 sec someone is taking our picture.

We're driving and I'm watching him. He comments - I told you I'd get to you first.

Now we're at his home. I'm telling him that I really need to get airplane stink off of me. He asks me if I'd like to take a shower.

I see me in the shower. I see him - pacing. Telling himself to get it together. To calm down.

The scenes fast forward and stop - it's morning. He tells me not to go. He asks me to marry him. Let him take care of me. I don't know what to say. I do tell him I can't marry him, no more than I could marry Bill right now. He's very angry with me. He gets up and leaves the room. I get dressed and follow him. He is pissed. He's telling me how blind I am and that Bill will crush me...yadda....yadda....I say nothing to him but turn around and go back in the bedroom.

He calms down and finds me in the bed. I've cried myself to sleep clutching his pillow and a shirt of his favorite UK football team. He sits down on the bed and kisses me. Tells me how sorry he is. Patience is not his strong suit.

Now Hanna waves her hand and time speeds up - a lot. Gives me a headache on top of my headache. It stops at Christmas time. My son, Ted and I are on the Polar Express (a kid's train ride that runs every Christmas). I can see Ted pay a guy 100.00 so that he can read the "Polar Express" book to the train - he wants to impress the woman he's dating.

I lean into my son and ask him - who loves you? You do mommy -- and he gives me a kiss.

With that - I'm done.

Have you guys noticed the difference in the sessions the last week or two? It's all about them - and how it used to be earlier in the year. Everytime a major - kick -me-in-my-ass shift arrives - these two are right in my face. Patience isn't my strong suit either. (SIGH).

Between my headaches, raw nerves and one or the other in my face (not that I truly mind -- they are sexy men -- but I need to work) - I am so behind in my email it is not funny. So if you have sent me email - please be patient. I will do my best to catch up. This weekend is shot for catching up as tomorrow is the Polar Express and a Christmas party - Sunday is trekking to into the tree farm to cut down our tree.

I haven't listened to Rick Astley since the late 80's - early 90's. Now I can't stop listening to him. What gives?

The ever watchful eyes are upon me. I'm starting to feel like Frodo from Lord of the Rings with that darn eye always watching.....I wish whomever this is would just do something. Make your move - place that call - ask those questions. You either believe what is happening to me/us or don't. I'm not going to jump through hoops just to put your mind at ease. It's called faith. Remember that when you were young and you believed in Santa Clause? The Easter Bunny? Tooth Fairy? How about now - Heaven? Hell? God? Jesus? The Virgin Mary? It's called faith. You either get it or you don't. I'm not crazy - Bill's not crazy and neither is Ted.

Sorry - I can just feel myself being scrutinized and after a while it just bugs me - ya know?

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie;)