Robert Pushes: An Important Convo with Ted

I normally do not post all what I see or hear as I like to keep some things private. But my guide, Robert, says it is VERY important that I post this whole session in it's entirety. I don't know why - part of me feels really uncomfortable to do so. But there must be a reason.

Here goes:

I have been pushed all morning to start this session. I kept ignoring the call as I was more annoyed than anything else. When I enter into this session, I am immediately taken to the old, blue farmhouse. On the front porch sits Ted. His hands sit clasped, on his knees - his mind elsewhere. He sees me - smiles and stands. I've been waiting for you -- he says. But why - I ask? We need to talk. About what. I say with some doubt it my voice.

He takes my hand and says -- walk with me. We enter into the apple orchard. The trees are in bloom -- it's quite beautiful. Off to the side - I can hear Robert (my guide) saying that this is important for me to get this conversation down:

T - He won't include me.

M- who?

T - Bill, he refuses to give me your number. He won't listen to anything I say.

M - Did he let you read the letter?

T - Yes, he did. At first I was in shock. I sat there as if someone just shot me. I had an enormous pain escape -- when I read your words. He wanted me to disprove it - wanted me to denounce what you said. But I couldn't. I knew this was truth. This pissed him off. He couldn't rationally understand how this can be possible. He's going on and on and on -- trying to think things out, to find a logical place
for everything. I tell him to shut up. He doesn't listen. I left the room, grabbed a cigarette to go outside.

M - Why didn't he want you to believe this?

T - (a big sigh). He doesn't want me anywhere near you. If I didn't believe you -- then he could have you all to himself, once he thought everything through.

M - That could take years.

T - he laughs. Isn't that the truth? He also has a problem with you throwing a wrench into his well-thought out life -- his plans. You are not logical -- all of this just doesn't sit well or feel comfortable in his mind.

I stop walking - I take my hand away and look into Ted's eyes.

M - what are you going to do?

He cups my face in his hands.

T - love you forever

He gives me a very sweet and loving kiss.

I pull away. For some reason I'm crying.

M - What about Bill?

T - He won't bring us together.

M - That's just your doubt talking. He'll come through -- I know he will. He can't let this rest.

T - No, he won't let it rest. It'll fester in his mind for years. While I try to find you -- and I will. Outside -- that day. I remembered it all. My drawings, the past -- the pain, love, heartache - all of it. God I need you.

M - How are you gong to find me?

T - TV.

M - TV?

T - yes, I'll see you on TV and that's how I'll find you.

I can see a light in the background. Ted kisses me.

T - I have to go now.

M - don't give up on me.

T - I never will.

And he leaves - the light fades and I'm in this orchard now by myself. I sit down and lean against a trunk. Bill shows up - right in my face. He wipes tears from my cheeks. Why are you doing this? I ask. Because -- I don't know what to do -- he replies. I'm scared - he says. You have to bring us together I say -- all 3 of us. The triad needs to reform. Softly he says -- I'm sorry. Then he fades from view and here I am.

Robert arrives and holds out his hands. He helps me up. Why I ask - why are they doing this to me? I don't get it? It's not you Robert says -- they each have issues of their own to work out -- as do you. Now what's wrong with me? Robert chuckles -- there's nothing wrong. It's my job to make sure you are ready. I say -- ready for what? The fishbowl he says. Now get back to work! With that he fades from view as I'm yelling - what was so important about that conversation???? I hear Robert say -- he loves you - take down your wall.

Then I'm done.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I must admit -- days like this I am half tempted to turn into an alcoholic, just to forget, if only for a while. Especially since Bill has really been in my face since I woke up. I mean "RIGHT THERE" without giving me much breathing room. Makes it difficult to get anything done.

(SIGH) Well, for better or worse -- there it is. Not sure why I had to post the whole thing......but what the hell - right?

On an up note -- my script. "The Black Triangle" has made it into the top finalists for the Roy W Dean writing grant - 1st time for that ;) This was a pleasant surprise!

Have a great day!

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie ;)