The Ego, Lessons And Ted!
Today the snow was falling - falling - falling down in Wooster. If I looked at the sky, 1/2 is dark and the other 1/2 light. Reminded me of the battle of good vs. evil. Since I am in Amish Hell - the sun faded from view and the sky was a drappy gray - yuck. Just before the sun set it broke through the clouds for 20 min of sunshine. We really could use more sun around here - seriously.
So on today's podcast I talked about how the ego is our enemy. I really believe that. Our egos hold us back, frustrated us, give us impressions of others or ourselves that are not in line with reality - egos make us less than what we are meant to me. I think that sucks. The whole ego thing was a lesson of mine. I don't think I've learned my lesson completely - but at least the light bulb turned on so that I can make improvements in myself. I get why I've been treading water for so long. I got the responsibility lesson a couple of years ago when I got divorced. Next I'll be heading into the patience lesson (even more so than I have been). Why? Because I'm going to homeschool my son next year.
His current school just is not for him. It's like fitting a square peg into a round hole - no matter how much you try - it isn't going to work. I see him suffer because of it - he's just a different kind of kid - he can't help it. The labels he has for being weird, strange and different doesn't help him. All he wants is friends and to do so he gravitates towards the kids who are different - but in a bad way (meaning they get in a lot of trouble being bad) and this in turn gets him in trouble and the cycle continues. My ex and I talked about it - I told him for as long as we're in Ohio, he's going to have to help. Science and math were always the ex's strong suits - so I suggested he be our son's "coach" (which is what the school calls the adult since there are online teachers) in those subjects. He agreed. But we'll see what happens come the school year.
Stress will come from keeping the kid and the dog apart since all they like to do is aggravate one another. Somehow, of course, I will have to work. I mulled over getting up at 4:00 am - working on Keen till 8:00 am and then do school. But I know there is no way in hell I'm getting up at 4 am. So I'll have to keep thinking.
Ted made a very nice comeback over the weekend. I wrote about it in the OBE blog. I was actually very supposed to see him since Will and Vincent were the ones that kept popping up in my energy. Will - it feels to me - is coming to a turning point in his life and he's not sure which way to turn. His current and long-time relationship feels very shaky. But by being together so long - is it love that keeps things together? Or the "being used to" the partner? My money is on the "used to". Vincent - poor guy is just so confused. He has no clue on where to turn or what to do. His life is such a "pineapple upside down cake" right now that he's frozen from making any important decisions. And Ted -- he is crashing hard. A big crash. I am hoping that he has hit the bottom without 1) landing in the hospital 2) going to rehab. A divorce has to be soon -- even if she is trying like hell to get pregnant.
Trouble (the cat) was running after air today - I'm going to assume it was Indy coming back to say hi. Ever since he died Trouble has been glued to poor Brodie who tries to convince Trouble that he is not a dog - but a cat.
Off to bed...have a good night!
Crystal Sunshine!
Allie ;)
So on today's podcast I talked about how the ego is our enemy. I really believe that. Our egos hold us back, frustrated us, give us impressions of others or ourselves that are not in line with reality - egos make us less than what we are meant to me. I think that sucks. The whole ego thing was a lesson of mine. I don't think I've learned my lesson completely - but at least the light bulb turned on so that I can make improvements in myself. I get why I've been treading water for so long. I got the responsibility lesson a couple of years ago when I got divorced. Next I'll be heading into the patience lesson (even more so than I have been). Why? Because I'm going to homeschool my son next year.
His current school just is not for him. It's like fitting a square peg into a round hole - no matter how much you try - it isn't going to work. I see him suffer because of it - he's just a different kind of kid - he can't help it. The labels he has for being weird, strange and different doesn't help him. All he wants is friends and to do so he gravitates towards the kids who are different - but in a bad way (meaning they get in a lot of trouble being bad) and this in turn gets him in trouble and the cycle continues. My ex and I talked about it - I told him for as long as we're in Ohio, he's going to have to help. Science and math were always the ex's strong suits - so I suggested he be our son's "coach" (which is what the school calls the adult since there are online teachers) in those subjects. He agreed. But we'll see what happens come the school year.
Stress will come from keeping the kid and the dog apart since all they like to do is aggravate one another. Somehow, of course, I will have to work. I mulled over getting up at 4:00 am - working on Keen till 8:00 am and then do school. But I know there is no way in hell I'm getting up at 4 am. So I'll have to keep thinking.
Ted made a very nice comeback over the weekend. I wrote about it in the OBE blog. I was actually very supposed to see him since Will and Vincent were the ones that kept popping up in my energy. Will - it feels to me - is coming to a turning point in his life and he's not sure which way to turn. His current and long-time relationship feels very shaky. But by being together so long - is it love that keeps things together? Or the "being used to" the partner? My money is on the "used to". Vincent - poor guy is just so confused. He has no clue on where to turn or what to do. His life is such a "pineapple upside down cake" right now that he's frozen from making any important decisions. And Ted -- he is crashing hard. A big crash. I am hoping that he has hit the bottom without 1) landing in the hospital 2) going to rehab. A divorce has to be soon -- even if she is trying like hell to get pregnant.
Trouble (the cat) was running after air today - I'm going to assume it was Indy coming back to say hi. Ever since he died Trouble has been glued to poor Brodie who tries to convince Trouble that he is not a dog - but a cat.
Off to bed...have a good night!
Crystal Sunshine!
Allie ;)
Labels: Allie, Dream Sex, dream visits, Ego, lessons, Podcast, Soul Circle, Soul Mates, Ted, Vincent, Will
posted by Allie @ 8:44 PM
3 Comments:
At 3:34 PM,
Jo said…
Hey Allie,
Just wanted to send you much praise for your decision to homeschool your son. I was "different" too and it took some pretty serious time and therapy to get over how I was treated for being a "square peg". It's only now in my 30's that I've learned to love myself and stop hiding. Maybe your son will be spared some of those hard years :) And don't worry, you'll do a great job homeschooling! Once you get a routine going, all will fall into place.
At 4:41 PM,
Aunt Jackie said…
I wish you all the best on the homeschooling option, my "B.F.F" homeschools her daughter for the last couple years, and she is flourishing honestly.
The Square Pegs have a harder time fitting in, because well... they don't, and that's a beautiful thing. This is a tough world for even the round pegs I guess. But the great thing is that people like your son are the ones who change the world and make it such a colorful painting.
At 10:10 PM,
Samantha Vandefeller said…
I'm finally commenting! Been just crazy over here!!
I think you'll do great homeschooling your son. I hope his dad will be able to help you out. I mean, he should! He helped created him lol.
Your son looks like such a sweetheart, it breaks my heart he has such a hard time in school. I know he can be a little devil but all kids are :) lol.
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