Sometimes I Wonder....

...what the (*&^^&* is wrong with me. SIGH. I worked on BT a good part of the day. More research - I found a survors network that may give me some insight to the Gypsy Family Camp at Birkenau. But as you know, working on BT stirs up a whole lot of emotions within me. Siince my son will be with his dad this weekend - I already went and bought some wine to drink as I'm working on BT.

Not a lot of work on OBE - but I did manage to get myself booked on a couple of radio shows in April & May. So that's cool.

Now as I'm working today - I keep having these visions of Bill and Ted. They are in an outdoor cafe with some friends. They're all talking when I walk up and say "excuse me". Without even looking at me - Bill blows up. In my hand I have Bill's rock. I place it on the table and mumble to myself "I can't do this anymore". Tears fall down my face. I look over at Ted and say, "I'm sorry - I am so-so sorry." I turn to leave and Ted grabs my wrist.

I look at him and say "Telling you won't do any good - you have to know. Seeking out the answers can't stem from your brain as curiosty - rather it has to come from here (I touch the middle of his chest), your soul. The stiring must come from your soul."

I stare at Bill - get close to his face - "I wish you'd pull your head out of your ass. I refuse to do this life over again." I yank my arm from Ted - and walk off.

Now to top this off - once I had that vision - I had to go watch the scene in a movie that reminds me so much of Ted and a past life we had together. What did that make me do - yep cry. So I'm crying today because of BT - which led to the visions and then me crying because of Bill - and that led me to the scene, Ted, and more crying. No wonder I'm tired.

And boy am I tired. Another night without any restful sleep. Whatever my subconsious has to learn - I wish it would hurry up.

Off to get my shower - and I hope - get rid of this sinking feeling I have in my soul.

Talk to you later...

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie ;)