Being Married, Will And Dream Visits!

Will was dead center in my mind last night. No matter what else I tried to shift my brain power to, it kept bouncing back to him. So after awhile I stopped fighting it. I figure, if it's this stong - there must be a reason for it. So about 11:30 pm I let the thoughts just come in. There were so many images, words and mini movies - all spinning what seemed like out of control. It reminded me of a kaleidoscope and with every turn of the view finder, there was something different to see/hear. But I wasn't the one turning the view finder.

There were a lot of "what if" scenarios - almost as if Will was "what if'ing" the connection into the ground. Then it would shift to an exuberant happiness - then down to an overwhelming sadness. And it continued. Any time there was happiness - there were images of he, myself and my son together - even if it was eating popcorn and watching a movie on TV. The sadness was always when he was pacing in his apartment - alone.

Finally about 1:00 am I had enough and told Will that I'll meet him in dream time. I walked down my dream path (as I like to call it) towards my dream portal/workspace. My path is always through a pine forest - I love the feel of the pine beneath my bare feet and the smell. As I round a corner - there is Ethan. I went over and gave him a big ole hug. I asked if he was back to help. He shook his head no - this is just a visit. We both could feel Iris in the background - just watching. I leaned into Ethan and asked - is she always like this? You mean a control freak? - Yes Ethan replied with a chuckle. But she gets results - her charges always travel down the path they are supposed to. I guess that's comforting - I said. He replied - it should be.

So we're walking and I asked Ethan if I'm doing something wrong? Is there something I'm meant to do that I haven't done yet? He shook his head -- no -- the ball is in Will's court. It's completely up to him. I asked - why is this so difficult for him if he "knows". Ethan put his arm round me and answered - because change is difficult, no matter matter much you want it (this sounded very familiar to me - AKA my divorce last year) and you add to that shyness and an uncertainty if this is all in his head -- and there you go. Is this something that he'll get over. Ethan shrugged - he has to or this will repeat in the next life. And quite frankly - there isn't time to repeat this - you two have to be together so that the next step happens. So this is a must for him. His guides will keep putting things, reminder, in front of him so that he takes that next step.

The next step - involves Bill and Ted doesn't it? Ethan nods - also Clive, Peter, John, Larry and a woman and her partner that you have failed to explore yet. I don't have time for her right now.

(update - I have written about her before - I called her Jo:
http://gypsyadvice.com/alliestwocents/2007/03/stuff-ted-and-new-one-named-jo.html)

Well, Ethan said - just like Will will have things in front of him about you - you will keep having things in front of you about her. This isn't something that can be put off. Since she and Will know one another - do I meet her before Will calls or after? Ethan replied - that hasn't been written yet.

Something catches my eye off the path and I go get it - a cell phone. I'm giving this to Will during our visit. Ethan laughed - of course you are.

I entered my dream portal and Ethan stayed behind.

I'm on a train with many people - but it's not overcrowded. I'm at one end of a small car, Will is at the other end. To my left sits a woman who I am friends with in my waking life. Her partner is sitting next to Will. I see him lean over to Will and start to talk about me. I can hear what is said, even though I shouldn't be able to:

G = Guy W = Will

G = You know Allie?
W = From Gypsy Advice? Yes. Her and her son.
G = Word is that she's obsessed with you.

Will arises his eyebrows on that one -- and this guy is looking right at me -- I'm staring at him trying to say with my eyes - WTF and shut the hell up. But he goes on...

W = You don't say.
G = She thinks about you all the time.
W = I see.

I look over at this my friend and ask - what in the hell is he doing? She shrugs. Make him stop - I said.

Next thing I know, Will has a magazine in his hand and he sits a couple of rows behind me. I can feel him staring at me -but I refuse to look over at him. He is now sitting behind me - his left hand is on the back of my chair - he's tapping his fingers. I look and he's wearing a brand new shiny wedding ring.

I look over at my friend and say - hell no. I stand up and I'm cussing to myself. A lot of - WTF came out. I started to walk away in the opposite direction - she asked - where are you going? I yelled - this is whacked - I'm waking up. So I walk through the cars shouting at myself to wake up and I finally do.

I laid there in bed -- what in the hell was that? I talked to myself: Why was that scene there? He's not married - I know he's not married. But the ring he had on - looked just like (my ex) when we first got married, same ring. Will has been in an on again off again relationship for over 10 years - maybe she feels that they are married even if they are not? And I'm not obsessed. I have a life - and he's not center stage.

I gotta go back into that dream. So I did...

The train came to a stop and we all got off and went into a huge formal garden - the kind you would see outside of a castle. I'm on a balcony and I see Will. He sees me. I turn the opposite way and go inside this room made from shrubs. There are a bunch of people in there and someone asked me if I was okay. I try not to cry - because I'm very angry and frustrated. I said - no I'm not okay. So I go back out of that room and into where Will is still at. I have two ways to go in order to get to the other side of this balcony- I see Will walking towards me on one side - I start to walk the opposite - but then think -- nah...and I walk right past him - it takes everything I have not to look over at him. But as we pass he said - Allie - wait -please. I stop. He's alongside of me -and it's automatic - I thread my arm through his and we walk.

I need to know - he said - I need to know if I have a chance.

I look over to him - you're the only one.

We're silent for a few steps.

Do you understand what I mean? He nods. There is no one else - no one.

Will smiled and let out a sign of relief.

But I don't do the married thing - I'm not playing second fiddle. I'm not someone's afterthought. I went through two marriages where I was the afterthought and was cheated on -- I will never do that to another woman.

But you have - he replied.

Yes - in my early 20's. I learned that lesson by being on the receiving end twice of men who didn't give a crap about me. And I will never do that again - no matter what I feel for the person. I deserve better.

Will replied - understood. But you'd never be second fiddle in my life.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the cell phone - and handed it to him. Then first work it out with your ex, she is an ex right?

He nods - but she doesn't see it that way.

Find a way to make her understand and then call me. And could you hurry up, we're not getting any younger.

Then I woke up.

As strange as it sounds - when I woke up I felt Will reading my blog to see if I wrote about this dream yet. He'll check back until he reads this - and then his uncertainty won't have such a hold on him. I feel this is why Iris was adamant about me posting this entry today and not waiting until Monday.

And I must admit - it is very strange to feel that you'd take a bullet for someone in a heartbeat when you have only met them once (in this life - obviously). It's an unconditional sacrifice - just like it would be for my son. There's no thinking about it - it's automatic.

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie :)

Stuff, Ted And A New One Named Jo!

I've never been able to understand it. The days that I do not post anything are the days when the most people visit. Does that make sense to you? Me neither.

The last week has been difficult. I still have this cold that insists that I cough up a lung and my husband has the mother of all sinus infections. They did a CAT scan on his sinus area a little over a week ago and the ER doctor said he's never seen so many notes come back from the radiologist. He had 3 pages of notes on his sinus instead of the normal few lines. He's so infected that they can't tell what's going on inside of there until they can get some of the infection gone. And let me tell ya - that gunk isn't leaving without a fight. Yesterday he went to the ear, nose , throat specialist and it isn't good. Not good at all. He is having surgery done on the 13th so that they can determine what is growing inside of his sinus. Until then the man can move from point A to point B and that's about it. So between the two of us - I haven't gotten much sleep at all - and my lungs are really starting to hurt from all the coughing. I have no fever - nothing else is wrong (except for the drainage) so the doc says there isn't much to be done for me except to wait it out. Same for the kid. So I have extra home duty. This is where I've been for the last 10 days.

Monday night's chat at The L Word on Second Life went really well. I have such a good time at the events and meet such interesting people. If you haven't stopped by yet, it's all free, all you have to do is sign up and download the software. There is a catch though - you have to have DSL or Broadband to log on. Look me up on there - I'm Alison Ashby!

I answered two ads this past week on people looking for female erotica writers. I thought - right up my alley -- perfect! Boy was I wrong -- they didn't want a writer, what they wanted is a woman who could have sex with someone while they watched and took notes. So I turned down both of their well-paying, but not for me, jobs.

On the way to taking my son to school last Monday there was a really nice snowfall happening. It was the perfect snowfall,the kind you see in the movies. Well I wasn't paying attention and I wiped out in front of his school. Nothing broken, but my right arm killed me for days.

Monday, Feb 26th, was the 6th anniversary of the "Ask Allie" column! The podcast turned a year old last December! This blog will head into year 3 this month! I tried to look back to see how many pages I have to this blog -and it's around 600 right now. I decided to check after I got an email the other day about when I was going to come out with my soul mate book. I hope soon - after the one I want to write on astral sex. So many ideas -- so little time.

Ted has been around so much lately. Not the annoying in your face - but right there so that I can feel his energy without him being intruding. When I ask what he's doing - he only replies - just observing. There have been a ton of flash visions with him that I can't really grasp. Just tiny glimpses of scenes like wallpaper with roses on them, a Victorian high-back chair, a large hedge maze, goblets, laughter, fun, love, happiness, pain, anger, separation. I haven't had a flash vision that has anything to do with forgiveness, which I for some reason find very odd. Maybe that's what this current life is for. He's always so determined he is going to make me happy - that he loves me more than anyone could ever love. Maybe he's supposed to take care of me so that I forgive him for the past. SHRUG. I don't have a clue. When I ask my guides about it I never hear anything back -- which means I'm not supposed to know.

I had an interesting dream last night about this woman, I'll call her Jo, who I have found out is in my soul circle. She's a gorgeous woman in real life - simply gorgeous, and in this dream I'm in her house just staring at her. She jokes about is there something on her face and I laugh and tell her that I can't believe I'm sitting here. I hand her a piece of paper and on it is all about Bill, Ted and Will. She looks at me and says am I one? I tell her yes you are -- it's you, me and a whole bunch of testosterone. She gave me a great big smile and couldn't believe her luck. She was so happy to be part of our circle. Her partner is her soul mate - so I we talked about how he fits into our soul circle because I've never felt he was part of it, but he must be if they are soul mates. And she said that she has felt that he and Will were part of her soul circle, but never felt Bill and Ted (or me) so there you go.

Jo then showed me around her huge place - I asked where her better half was with the kids and she said they were out. But in this house there were so many people in there - some with their hair up in curlers, others were getting make up on, while others where trying on clothes. I felt almost if I were on a movie set. I asked Jo if she took care of all these people and she said yes. I asked why. She replied that someone had to. As she opened this huge vertical case of make-up & beauty supplies - I noticed how dusty everything was. I told her that these people were talking advantage of her generosity. She giggled and called me a worry wart. Then I woke up.

One big thing I remember about the dream is that she was sp pleased to be part of our soul circle. So happy - that she glowed. You know, the kind of glow a pregnant woman would have - that kind of glow.

I think that I'm going to head to bed. It's early I know. But I am is dang tired that I don't think I care.

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie :)