Being Married, Will And Dream Visits!

Will was dead center in my mind last night. No matter what else I tried to shift my brain power to, it kept bouncing back to him. So after awhile I stopped fighting it. I figure, if it's this stong - there must be a reason for it. So about 11:30 pm I let the thoughts just come in. There were so many images, words and mini movies - all spinning what seemed like out of control. It reminded me of a kaleidoscope and with every turn of the view finder, there was something different to see/hear. But I wasn't the one turning the view finder.

There were a lot of "what if" scenarios - almost as if Will was "what if'ing" the connection into the ground. Then it would shift to an exuberant happiness - then down to an overwhelming sadness. And it continued. Any time there was happiness - there were images of he, myself and my son together - even if it was eating popcorn and watching a movie on TV. The sadness was always when he was pacing in his apartment - alone.

Finally about 1:00 am I had enough and told Will that I'll meet him in dream time. I walked down my dream path (as I like to call it) towards my dream portal/workspace. My path is always through a pine forest - I love the feel of the pine beneath my bare feet and the smell. As I round a corner - there is Ethan. I went over and gave him a big ole hug. I asked if he was back to help. He shook his head no - this is just a visit. We both could feel Iris in the background - just watching. I leaned into Ethan and asked - is she always like this? You mean a control freak? - Yes Ethan replied with a chuckle. But she gets results - her charges always travel down the path they are supposed to. I guess that's comforting - I said. He replied - it should be.

So we're walking and I asked Ethan if I'm doing something wrong? Is there something I'm meant to do that I haven't done yet? He shook his head -- no -- the ball is in Will's court. It's completely up to him. I asked - why is this so difficult for him if he "knows". Ethan put his arm round me and answered - because change is difficult, no matter matter much you want it (this sounded very familiar to me - AKA my divorce last year) and you add to that shyness and an uncertainty if this is all in his head -- and there you go. Is this something that he'll get over. Ethan shrugged - he has to or this will repeat in the next life. And quite frankly - there isn't time to repeat this - you two have to be together so that the next step happens. So this is a must for him. His guides will keep putting things, reminder, in front of him so that he takes that next step.

The next step - involves Bill and Ted doesn't it? Ethan nods - also Clive, Peter, John, Larry and a woman and her partner that you have failed to explore yet. I don't have time for her right now.

(update - I have written about her before - I called her Jo:
http://gypsyadvice.com/alliestwocents/2007/03/stuff-ted-and-new-one-named-jo.html)

Well, Ethan said - just like Will will have things in front of him about you - you will keep having things in front of you about her. This isn't something that can be put off. Since she and Will know one another - do I meet her before Will calls or after? Ethan replied - that hasn't been written yet.

Something catches my eye off the path and I go get it - a cell phone. I'm giving this to Will during our visit. Ethan laughed - of course you are.

I entered my dream portal and Ethan stayed behind.

I'm on a train with many people - but it's not overcrowded. I'm at one end of a small car, Will is at the other end. To my left sits a woman who I am friends with in my waking life. Her partner is sitting next to Will. I see him lean over to Will and start to talk about me. I can hear what is said, even though I shouldn't be able to:

G = Guy W = Will

G = You know Allie?
W = From Gypsy Advice? Yes. Her and her son.
G = Word is that she's obsessed with you.

Will arises his eyebrows on that one -- and this guy is looking right at me -- I'm staring at him trying to say with my eyes - WTF and shut the hell up. But he goes on...

W = You don't say.
G = She thinks about you all the time.
W = I see.

I look over at this my friend and ask - what in the hell is he doing? She shrugs. Make him stop - I said.

Next thing I know, Will has a magazine in his hand and he sits a couple of rows behind me. I can feel him staring at me -but I refuse to look over at him. He is now sitting behind me - his left hand is on the back of my chair - he's tapping his fingers. I look and he's wearing a brand new shiny wedding ring.

I look over at my friend and say - hell no. I stand up and I'm cussing to myself. A lot of - WTF came out. I started to walk away in the opposite direction - she asked - where are you going? I yelled - this is whacked - I'm waking up. So I walk through the cars shouting at myself to wake up and I finally do.

I laid there in bed -- what in the hell was that? I talked to myself: Why was that scene there? He's not married - I know he's not married. But the ring he had on - looked just like (my ex) when we first got married, same ring. Will has been in an on again off again relationship for over 10 years - maybe she feels that they are married even if they are not? And I'm not obsessed. I have a life - and he's not center stage.

I gotta go back into that dream. So I did...

The train came to a stop and we all got off and went into a huge formal garden - the kind you would see outside of a castle. I'm on a balcony and I see Will. He sees me. I turn the opposite way and go inside this room made from shrubs. There are a bunch of people in there and someone asked me if I was okay. I try not to cry - because I'm very angry and frustrated. I said - no I'm not okay. So I go back out of that room and into where Will is still at. I have two ways to go in order to get to the other side of this balcony- I see Will walking towards me on one side - I start to walk the opposite - but then think -- nah...and I walk right past him - it takes everything I have not to look over at him. But as we pass he said - Allie - wait -please. I stop. He's alongside of me -and it's automatic - I thread my arm through his and we walk.

I need to know - he said - I need to know if I have a chance.

I look over to him - you're the only one.

We're silent for a few steps.

Do you understand what I mean? He nods. There is no one else - no one.

Will smiled and let out a sign of relief.

But I don't do the married thing - I'm not playing second fiddle. I'm not someone's afterthought. I went through two marriages where I was the afterthought and was cheated on -- I will never do that to another woman.

But you have - he replied.

Yes - in my early 20's. I learned that lesson by being on the receiving end twice of men who didn't give a crap about me. And I will never do that again - no matter what I feel for the person. I deserve better.

Will replied - understood. But you'd never be second fiddle in my life.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the cell phone - and handed it to him. Then first work it out with your ex, she is an ex right?

He nods - but she doesn't see it that way.

Find a way to make her understand and then call me. And could you hurry up, we're not getting any younger.

Then I woke up.

As strange as it sounds - when I woke up I felt Will reading my blog to see if I wrote about this dream yet. He'll check back until he reads this - and then his uncertainty won't have such a hold on him. I feel this is why Iris was adamant about me posting this entry today and not waiting until Monday.

And I must admit - it is very strange to feel that you'd take a bullet for someone in a heartbeat when you have only met them once (in this life - obviously). It's an unconditional sacrifice - just like it would be for my son. There's no thinking about it - it's automatic.

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie :)

Falling Behind, John And The Sex Of Strangers!

Nope - you're not missing the podcast, I haven't done it yet. It's on the "to-do" list for tomorrow. My son had a doctor's appointment today, and that took time that seemed to snowball - and then my phone just kept ringing. And here you are - 9:20 pm Monday night and no podcast in sight.

Sunday I had something odd happen to me at Applebee's. My son and I were there enjoying our lunch when all of a sudden I "saw" and "heard" the sexual fantasies and sex lives of the people around me. I'm like - what the hell? I couldn't shut it off right away either -- it just bombarded me from all sides and let me tell you - some of the people that were near me were scary with their clothes on. But to see them naked in the midst of sex -- I lost my appetite. I have no idea why this happened or if it will happen again. But it's really odd when you can see the guy next to you in leather with a woman (not his wife who was sitting right there) in handcuffs begging for more. Wow it was strange!

Sunday night I had a great dream with John in it (for those of you who do not know who John is - he is in my soul circle and John is not his real name). We were holding hands over an open pit fire. We were amused at something -- but I commented that we could get in a lot of trouble together. He laughed and said he knows. But we agreed that in this life it isn't going to happen. I can still smell his cologne - no idea of the name of it. We were dancing around the fire and I was leading. For some reason we found that funny - seems I have never led before with him. He commented that he will always be there at my side - if not physically, the in spirit. He knows me - knows I exists in the same manner as Matt does - but isn't sure of the particulars. He wants to talk to Will about all of this (Will and John know each other in real life).

Again Sat & Sun night I had dreams about a younger guy -- I keep thinking he is the guy I met at the College of Wooster last year (after my talk) and both nights it was sexual -- I kept telling him I don't go for younger guys. And he kept saying that I must be mistaken - lol. I can see his body perfectly - but not his face. And that's aggravating - as I can't tell positive or not if it was that guy from COW or not. Grrrr,,,,,,I was happy that he could last for as long as I wanted him too - lol!

I still haven't been able to shake that bug I got last Tuesday. It's not that bad -- but it is still very annoying.

I kept seeing the number 49 today. So I looked it up and here's what it means: The angels ask you to get to work on your Divine mission without delay. Now is the time to finish any incomplete projects. Clear the space in your calendar to work on your true priorities.

Now -- all weekend I tried to finish DREAMERS and didn't get it done as my ex didn't pick up our son like he was supposed to. As much as I love spending time with my son - it's very difficult to be creative with him underfoot. So now I'm trying to work in time to finish it -- but this week I won't be able to and this weekend I'll be gone in Columbus at the Universal Light Expo. I'm trying not to push myself too much as with my divorce - went my health insurenace. So I am paying more attention to my body - when it's tired, it's tired and I'm not pushing it any more.

Time to go get ready for my sex chat on The L Word!

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie :)

Spidey Sense, Change And The Gang's All Here!

You have all heard of Spiderman right? He has his spidey sense when he senses something is about to happen. Well, Allie's spidey sense is on overdrive. My nerves are hanging out on the outside of my body and are posed and ready to assimilate any information that comes their way. I can tell something is about to happen. I can smell it. I don't know what - don't know if it's good or bad -- I just know that something major is about to happen. Now is this major something that affects me or people as a whole? Good question. I know that it severely affects me. But the sense I get about affecting other people -- is mixed. Quite possibly by the trickle down affect. So this whatever will happen to me - and then based on what I do - then other people are effected. I feel greatly affected. Damn, I wish I could pull in more.

What I can see are round shiny silver balls, almost like solid silver spheres. Some are large, others are very small and can zing across the room. No, I have no clue what in the heck that means. But there is also a red liquid and a white tarp or blanket? The color green is everywhere and it all feels so sterile. For some reason I can see Will. He's sitting in a seat and his hands are reaching for me. The seat reminds me of one you would see in the Space Shuttle or maybe in a Virtual Reality simulator. Speaking of which, can you imagine having the rooms they did on Star Trek where anything was possible - any world, any person, any situation and it was all so real like. What were those rooms called? I'm drawing a blank. But just imagine being able to pay to be in a room where all of your fantasies could come true - if even for a short time. Humm...you know who I'd have in there -- Sawyer from LOST. Good God that man is hot:) Just a few hours and I'd be on a high that may last weeks:)

Okay, reel me back in -- now where was I? Oh yes, Will. He wants me to sit in the seat next to him and hold his hand. Hummm....then there's nothing. Now I can see lights - going off everywhere to a point where it really makes me squint to see. I can hear my name being yelled out -someone or something wants my attention. Will and I are on -- Oprah? Huh? What in the heck are we doing there? He and I are sitting on stage discussing something about our connection -- I'm not able to see or hear any more.

Brigit comes over from the right and asks me if I'm okay. I tell her that I'm great. She says - you said you were ready. I reply - yes I am - let it begin. She smiles and says that she knew Jezell would be able to talk to me. She fades and Larry appears! I'm so happy to see him! And by that wicked smile, he's happy to see me too. He tells me that whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, to call out to him and he will make sure to calm the energies around me. He swears that nothing will happen to me. Now John appears next to him - the men shake hands and Larry goes.

John and I are in a cave. I should be freezing, but I'm not. He and I are talking about a few things and I looked at him and asked if at any time in any life if we've slept together? He stops thinks about it for a second, then says no. I said good. He smiles and says that sleeping with me would be like sleeping with his sister - and we both agree that it's a yuck! We find that part funny and yet refreshing that we never will have to worry about a physical relationship in bed. He says that it has always been his job to protect the circle and it's a job that he does not take lightly. He goes on to tell me that I will need the most of his protection over the next several months and he will be at my call - while Will, Bill and Ted will be there to love me. I ask if he knows what in the hell is about to happen that everyone is coming up to me? That is when Peter and Clive arrive. Wow - do the two of them look good. I ask them the same sex question that John and I were just talking about -- and they both gave me the same sister comment. Good:) So with all three there - I had to ask them what is going on. I am assured that no one knows. Except that I will be going through change and a very stressful time.

Great -- I think -- more stress, just what I need. I am told - by Peter - that although this will be stressful, I am assured that it will turn into good stress in time.

And with that everyone gives me a kiss and they are gone.

Boy- that was odd. Telling you what I was seeing via visions and then getting pulled into a session all with interruption. What a flow I had going.

So, am I going to worry about what is coming up? I'll try not too as it appears this is something already in motion!

Don't forget to stop by The L Word on Second Life and visit me in The Planet at 8:00 pm EST tonight for some sex talk!

Have a great day!

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie :)

Ted Seems So Sad And Is Bill Superman?

I have to write this down before I forget. I'm in a gift shop and I see the scarf I bought at the new age show for $5 , boxed up with a price tag of $12. I look to the left of it and there are these strips of yellow mirrors (?) in a box that I really want but I'm thinking if the scarf is overpriced so will these. I instead choose a pair of shorts to try on. I go to the changing room, with the wooden swinging double doors and small bench with mirror but both sides have clothes hanging (from each changing room, one across from the other) from it and you can not change in there. So I move to the other end and find a changing room. This one is much bigger, blue tile floor. I notice that another woman across the way is hanging up clothes for her to try on, but neither of us had flipped on the light switch. I do flip it on and hear a male voice. I look behind me and the long horizontal mirror ( that was up high and you couldn't use to look at yourself) was slid over. I hear a male voice and I inquire who is there. I can't remember what he says, but I feel uneasy taking off my pants to try on the shorts. Not really because I know he is back there - but because I haven't shaved my legs. I say screw it and am trying on the shorts anyways with my back to him when he asks if I wear a bra. I reply - with the size of these tits you must be joking. He laughed. The shorts, I couldn't get up past mid thigh so I took them off and put on my pants - all the while this man is flirting with me from behind the wall. I keep thinking that it is Bill. I know that I recognize the voice.

Next thing I know I'm in a gym with my son and it is full of people. I know that the voice behind the wall is here, I can sense him and I can even see him from behind. He has on a green shirt and jeans, dark hair, rather long I think, down to mid neck maybe? But his back is always to me and I cannot see his face. My son and I decide to get on the ground and work on our writing with the other kids. My hope is that he will turn around and I can see him. I manage to sit next to a couple of adult teachers who say that they are making coffee (the coffee machine is right there) but they would rather have wine. A big laugh. The man in the green shirt disappears.

Now I am watching an interview with Ted. He is on a bus? And I'm right there watching him. He and a woman are talking, he is typing away on a purple key board. The woman is massaging his hands. She says that if he had a girlfriend she could do this. He says he's single. She offers to be his girlfriend and they laugh about it. The interview ends and he and I chat a bit. I'm thinking to myself - Allie , this is the 3rd time you've been with him tonight, why haven't you talked about you, him and Bill? What in the hell are you waiting for? Another voice says that now isn't the time. He is walking through this maze on the bus and me and a guy follow. He is now sitting down, coat on, short hair with a stubble beard. His face is in his hands. I ask him what is wrong and he mentions that he is waiting for a package. He is always waiting and it doesn't seem to arrive.

Me and this man leave and we tell him not to tell Superman (which the guy and I know to be Bill) that we were here, and surprisingly enough, Ted knows who we are talking about. He says he won't tell and we leave. I comment to the guy - I can't believe he knew who we were talking about without mentioning his name - the guy agreed and said that Ted knows more than he is willing to admit. Then I hear a voice that it is time -- and I wake up.

I woke up shaking uncontrollably, like I do when I have too much energy or when I am brought back suddenly from an astral trip. I think that this is both.

After writing all of this down, I am surprised that I wasn't the least bit embarrassed to take off my clothes in front of the man behind the wall. It didn't bother me in the least that he was there. What bothered me is that I had hairy legs and I didn't want him to see them. In real life I would have throttled the SOB instead of flirting with him. But I keep thinking that this was Bill. When I asked him why he was back there - he said he was the owner of the building and this changing room was broken. I did look down on the floor and notice something was amiss - but I don't know what right now.

With Ted- as the camera rolled and people were around for the interview he was happy, smiling and looked great. As soon as the camera turned of and all went away (but me and this guy) he looked depressed, tired haggard -- just a mess. I can remember briefly a previous dream visit of the night with him where I had to go somewhere and he was desperate to have me stay - begging me to do so. I promise him that I'll be back and he goes on saying that I always promise him, but that I never come back. Tears poured down his face. I felt horrible but I knew that I had to leave.

I wrote all of the above when I woke up this morning - since then I keep getting flash visions of Ted telling me he will not release me to Bill. And Bill and I chat about this, he doesn't say much but his jaw twitches and he walks off.

And the day has just begun:)

You know, I just had a thought. For weeks there has been a man that has been showing up in my thoughts, visions and dreams. I'm sure that I have mentioned him before - maybe I haven't with the way my mind has been working lately, but if I did I forget what name I gave him -- I'll call him John. He keeps showing up and Ted has been having a cow about it. He says that he isn't going to share me with Bill, he sure in the hell isn't going to share me with John. Any way - John owns a building that used to be a drugstore and if I think about that place I was in, it did remind me of a drugstore. Could have been John behind the wall? Maybe? With Bill being on the gym floor?

Crystal Sunshine!
Allie :)