On the road to change: dealing with domestic violence in Gypsy and Traveller groups
Fifteen years after the UK's only refuge for Gypsy and Travelling women opened, a new generation is acknowledging the problem of violent relationships.
Jill Clark
The Guardian, Friday 14 August 2009
For Kay, the beatings came three weeks into her marriage. She and her partner, both from Irish Travelling families, met on the road as teenagers before becoming pen pals. It wasn't until they settled down on a caravan site in Yorkshire that he threw his first punch. "He'd just flip out, slapping me, kicking me," says Kay (not her real name). "He wanted me to jump when he said, to sit when I was told." Despite the violence in their relationship, the couple had three children together and Kay says she felt powerless to leave. "I just accepted it as normal. In my culture the woman is the heart of the family, the man is the head – what he says goes."
Kay's story may be similar to that of the 25% of women in the UK who are thought to experience domestic violence during their lifetimes – six to 10% of women suffer it in any given year – but a recent paper by the Equality and Human Rights Commission, suggests that women from the Gypsy and Traveller communities who report domestic violence will often have suffered it more severely and over a considerably longer period than other women. Although there is no conclusive evidence about the prevalence of this abuse, the paper cites a study in Wrexham, which found that between 61 and 81% of married Gypsy and Traveller women had experienced direct abuse from a partner.
Cultural barriers are believed to be one reason that Travelling women stay in violent relationships for longer than other women. Kay, who endured 14 years of violence (twice the UK average) before she had an injunction brought against her husband, feared that she might have to leave behind her whole way of life by entering a bricks-and-mortar refuge or being relocated into a house. "It would have killed me stone dead," she says. "I've lived in trailers all my life; it's all I know. In a house, I'd feel cooped up and boxed in; I'd be so alone. I worried my kids would get stick for being Travellers and we wouldn't feel welcome, that we'd get judged and treated as outsiders and would never be able to admit where we came from."
A reluctance to deal with the police, coupled with a lack of knowledge about mainstream services, may complicate the situation. Kay admits, "For all those years I'd refused to report his abuse. If you're seen talking on your own to police, you can be labelled a grass, and a grass isn't allowed in our community. I'd seen them [police] come to the site uninvited, trashing our property, talking down to the kids. There was no trust there. But in the end it was my brother who said: 'Leave him.'"
Kay also felt that she would be stigmatised for talking about the abuse. "We're taught to stand up for ourselves as strong Travelling women. If word gets out you're being hit – by man, woman or whoever – you can be seen as weak."
Kathleen Lowther Morrison, a Traveller from the community group Leeds Gypsy and Traveller exchange, says many Travellers have traditional views on marriage, with divorce a rarity. And a woman leaving a marriage can be ostracised. "If they've lived in a closed community all their lives and have had little education, if they've barely been to school, they can assume all men are violent and domestic violence is normal. Gypsies see domestic violence going on all their lives: if it isn't happening to their mum, it's happening to their sister or their neighbour."
Although community campaigners admit that discussing violence within marriage has always been a taboo, 15 years after Solas Anois – the UK's only refuge for Gypsy and Travelling women – was set up, it is being tackled head on with new initiatives. This summer saw the first conference on domestic violence in the Traveller and Gypsy communities, with another planned for October.
Lowther Morrison says it is essential that help comes from within the community and that more people attend domestic violence courses. "I went on a training course myself," she says. "It was like a light flashing in my head. I never knew what domestic violence was till then. Half of our women still don't, they think a good hiding is part of our culture."
Bernie O'Rourke, who works at Solas Anois – Gaelic for "comfort now"– says attitudes in the community are changing. "More Travelling women than ever are seeking help. More mothers are willing to assist their daughters in leaving violent relationships. Women feel more empowered; change is coming."
In 2008, 44 women were accommodated at the refuge: a further 21 had to be turned away because of lack of space. O'Rourke says more specialist refuges are essential to acknowledge and accommodate the particular needs of the women from the Gypsy and Traveller communities. "A lot of Travelling women have low literacy and numeracy – a CD or DVD version of the refuge rules and information can help. Some can't tell the time or aren't interested in it; their children may not have structured bedtimes. Their life is very different from that of the settled population." She points out that they can be deterred from entering mainstream refuges if they experience difficulties observing cleanliness rituals, known as the Mochadi laws – one bowl for washing up, another for washing the body, for example. Particular standards of hygiene – such as using bleach to clean dishes – can also cause problems with other refuge residents.
Six months ago, Irish Traveller Bridie Jones started holding cultural awareness workshops in Kent. Now, she says, "The police no longer take dogs into trailers, or search a whole site to locate a single person. It's about building trust so women will come forward, report violence and have confidence in what the police, social services and other agencies have to offer." She also runs three separate domestic violence support groups for Gypsies and Travellers at homes in her area. "I don't want people thinking that every man I know is going around hitting women, because that would be far from the truth. But domestic violence needs talking about more in my community; it needs bringing out from beneath the carpet."
Lowther Morrison agrees, and says Gypsy and Traveller women now want more equality in their relationships. "My husband respects me and what I do, but there's plenty of women without that – where it's OK for a Gypsy man to remarry but not for a woman, where a woman cannot disrespect a man. It's a long road ahead, but people are coming around to the idea more and more." Her project report, One Punch Kills, recommends opening a caravan site in Leeds for families fleeing domestic violence. "We're not going away, this issue needs looking at and it needs more funding."
Romany Gypsy Janie Cadona, of One Voice, a domestic violence advice organisation for Travellers in the east of England, takes women through their options when experiencing violence from a partner. She agrees that culturally familiar alternatives such as "safe" trailers would help. "For those who have been living out in the open on a site all their lives, or if they're continuously nomadic, it can be too big a shock living with new people in a refuge or hostel. They can feel confined and isolated; anxiety and depression can set in. They risk leaving their life behind, so they stay in a violent situation for longer. Often, Travellers turn up at refuges with six kids in tow – there isn't always room to take in the whole family."
The Irish Traveller Movement in Britain is currently developing a women's group. Director Yvonne MacNamara says such groups can challenge sensitive issues and empower more women like Kay. "A lot of Travellers don't like the terminology 'domestic violence', some won't touch the topic. But others are saying, 'Do something,' which is an incredibly brave thing to do for this community. It's about getting information out there, about teaching men, women, children, young and old, that violence isn't the way. The approach needs to be sensible, it needs to be different and now, I believe, is the time to do it."
The 24-hour National Domestic Violence helpline number is 0808 2000 247.
Jill Clark
The Guardian, Friday 14 August 2009
For Kay, the beatings came three weeks into her marriage. She and her partner, both from Irish Travelling families, met on the road as teenagers before becoming pen pals. It wasn't until they settled down on a caravan site in Yorkshire that he threw his first punch. "He'd just flip out, slapping me, kicking me," says Kay (not her real name). "He wanted me to jump when he said, to sit when I was told." Despite the violence in their relationship, the couple had three children together and Kay says she felt powerless to leave. "I just accepted it as normal. In my culture the woman is the heart of the family, the man is the head – what he says goes."
Kay's story may be similar to that of the 25% of women in the UK who are thought to experience domestic violence during their lifetimes – six to 10% of women suffer it in any given year – but a recent paper by the Equality and Human Rights Commission, suggests that women from the Gypsy and Traveller communities who report domestic violence will often have suffered it more severely and over a considerably longer period than other women. Although there is no conclusive evidence about the prevalence of this abuse, the paper cites a study in Wrexham, which found that between 61 and 81% of married Gypsy and Traveller women had experienced direct abuse from a partner.
Cultural barriers are believed to be one reason that Travelling women stay in violent relationships for longer than other women. Kay, who endured 14 years of violence (twice the UK average) before she had an injunction brought against her husband, feared that she might have to leave behind her whole way of life by entering a bricks-and-mortar refuge or being relocated into a house. "It would have killed me stone dead," she says. "I've lived in trailers all my life; it's all I know. In a house, I'd feel cooped up and boxed in; I'd be so alone. I worried my kids would get stick for being Travellers and we wouldn't feel welcome, that we'd get judged and treated as outsiders and would never be able to admit where we came from."
A reluctance to deal with the police, coupled with a lack of knowledge about mainstream services, may complicate the situation. Kay admits, "For all those years I'd refused to report his abuse. If you're seen talking on your own to police, you can be labelled a grass, and a grass isn't allowed in our community. I'd seen them [police] come to the site uninvited, trashing our property, talking down to the kids. There was no trust there. But in the end it was my brother who said: 'Leave him.'"
Kay also felt that she would be stigmatised for talking about the abuse. "We're taught to stand up for ourselves as strong Travelling women. If word gets out you're being hit – by man, woman or whoever – you can be seen as weak."
Kathleen Lowther Morrison, a Traveller from the community group Leeds Gypsy and Traveller exchange, says many Travellers have traditional views on marriage, with divorce a rarity. And a woman leaving a marriage can be ostracised. "If they've lived in a closed community all their lives and have had little education, if they've barely been to school, they can assume all men are violent and domestic violence is normal. Gypsies see domestic violence going on all their lives: if it isn't happening to their mum, it's happening to their sister or their neighbour."
Although community campaigners admit that discussing violence within marriage has always been a taboo, 15 years after Solas Anois – the UK's only refuge for Gypsy and Travelling women – was set up, it is being tackled head on with new initiatives. This summer saw the first conference on domestic violence in the Traveller and Gypsy communities, with another planned for October.
Lowther Morrison says it is essential that help comes from within the community and that more people attend domestic violence courses. "I went on a training course myself," she says. "It was like a light flashing in my head. I never knew what domestic violence was till then. Half of our women still don't, they think a good hiding is part of our culture."
Bernie O'Rourke, who works at Solas Anois – Gaelic for "comfort now"– says attitudes in the community are changing. "More Travelling women than ever are seeking help. More mothers are willing to assist their daughters in leaving violent relationships. Women feel more empowered; change is coming."
In 2008, 44 women were accommodated at the refuge: a further 21 had to be turned away because of lack of space. O'Rourke says more specialist refuges are essential to acknowledge and accommodate the particular needs of the women from the Gypsy and Traveller communities. "A lot of Travelling women have low literacy and numeracy – a CD or DVD version of the refuge rules and information can help. Some can't tell the time or aren't interested in it; their children may not have structured bedtimes. Their life is very different from that of the settled population." She points out that they can be deterred from entering mainstream refuges if they experience difficulties observing cleanliness rituals, known as the Mochadi laws – one bowl for washing up, another for washing the body, for example. Particular standards of hygiene – such as using bleach to clean dishes – can also cause problems with other refuge residents.
Six months ago, Irish Traveller Bridie Jones started holding cultural awareness workshops in Kent. Now, she says, "The police no longer take dogs into trailers, or search a whole site to locate a single person. It's about building trust so women will come forward, report violence and have confidence in what the police, social services and other agencies have to offer." She also runs three separate domestic violence support groups for Gypsies and Travellers at homes in her area. "I don't want people thinking that every man I know is going around hitting women, because that would be far from the truth. But domestic violence needs talking about more in my community; it needs bringing out from beneath the carpet."
Lowther Morrison agrees, and says Gypsy and Traveller women now want more equality in their relationships. "My husband respects me and what I do, but there's plenty of women without that – where it's OK for a Gypsy man to remarry but not for a woman, where a woman cannot disrespect a man. It's a long road ahead, but people are coming around to the idea more and more." Her project report, One Punch Kills, recommends opening a caravan site in Leeds for families fleeing domestic violence. "We're not going away, this issue needs looking at and it needs more funding."
Romany Gypsy Janie Cadona, of One Voice, a domestic violence advice organisation for Travellers in the east of England, takes women through their options when experiencing violence from a partner. She agrees that culturally familiar alternatives such as "safe" trailers would help. "For those who have been living out in the open on a site all their lives, or if they're continuously nomadic, it can be too big a shock living with new people in a refuge or hostel. They can feel confined and isolated; anxiety and depression can set in. They risk leaving their life behind, so they stay in a violent situation for longer. Often, Travellers turn up at refuges with six kids in tow – there isn't always room to take in the whole family."
The Irish Traveller Movement in Britain is currently developing a women's group. Director Yvonne MacNamara says such groups can challenge sensitive issues and empower more women like Kay. "A lot of Travellers don't like the terminology 'domestic violence', some won't touch the topic. But others are saying, 'Do something,' which is an incredibly brave thing to do for this community. It's about getting information out there, about teaching men, women, children, young and old, that violence isn't the way. The approach needs to be sensible, it needs to be different and now, I believe, is the time to do it."
The 24-hour National Domestic Violence helpline number is 0808 2000 247.
Labels: Domestic Violence, Gypsy, Gypsy Women, Travellers
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